Are you a turtle?

Well I’m sure you are wondering if most of these stories will be stories from drunks…sorry to disappoint you but they won’t be…unless a drunk guy with a good story stumbles into the store and has a good story for me.

Photo 186

Ok now for my story today. I have worked at M&R for about 3.5 years now and it was just last year that I heard about the International Turtle Club. I thought, what the heck is that? My boss Marty knows just about everyone so he explained what it was to me. First he showed me their official membership card so I would have a better understanding. I just got mine yesterday at work when the Imperial Turtle came in the store. Now this club was founded during WWII when a bunch of army guys wanted a club for fun or as the founder called it , for shits and giggles. According to Carl Candels, who is one of the founders, there are members all over the US. Now the flip side of the card spells out the rules of the club and the way you become a member.

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Rules – There is only one rule, when someone asks you “are you a turtle?” you must answer with the password. The password is, “you bet your sweet ass I am.” If you fail to respond with the password either because you are embarrassed or some other reason you forfeit a beverage of that person’s choice. The reason for this is that all members should assume that all turtles own a Jack Ass.

Fun thing about this rule is you can catch people when you know they can’t say the password. Carl told me of a story of how during the Mercury-Atlas 8 mission (part of the United States space program), astronaut Wally Schirra was asked by a ground controller whether he was a turtle. Not wanting to use vulgar language while his communications were being broadcast worldwide, he temporarily stopped transmitting while he gave the required response. Of course he had to buy everyone in the contol room a beverage. You can find more great stories about this club online by either checking wikipedia or googling or by going to this website

Membership – To gain membership you must answer all 4 riddles on the back of the card correctly. Now it isn’t as easy as it sounds, you have to answer all the questions by “thinking clean” as all turtles do. I won’t give you the answers you can just try to figure them out yourselves. (remember think clean!)

1. What is it a man can do standing up, a woman sitting down, and a dog on three legs?

2. What it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?

3. What is a four letter word ending in “k” that means the same as intercourse?

4. What is it that is round and hard and sticks so far out of his pajamas you can hang a hat on it?

Finally the Creed of the Turtle – Turtles are bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, fearless and unafraid folk with a fighter pilot attitude. They think clean, have fun a lot, and recognize the fact that you never get anyplace in life worthwhile unless you stick your neck out.

Check online for the history behind this fun club that has members all across America!


About Kevin Coté

I am a graphic design consultant and freelance designer by trade. I have been working for M&R Liquors for 5 years now and have enjoied the liquor industry. Here my thoughts that will range from Design and Liquor to Politics and Movies...but mostly Design and Liquor.
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One Response to Are you a turtle?

  1. charlesdavis says:

    This just made me think of this

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